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Interesting Excerpts From the Book “Diary of a Nigerian Girl” by Toiyoabasi Ekong

By Toiyoabaisi Ekong
I went to a male friend’s house who is a newly qualified doctor. We have always liked each other but never dated and we have been friends for years.
On the day I went to his house, I was emotionally down, broken inside and seeking comfort. So when I was offered an alcoholic drink, I drank so much of it.
Normally, I’m a person who can handle a good percentage of alcohol but I took a whole lot more and Charles was surprised.
When I  got up to leave, I staggered to the door and even to put on my shoes seemed like an impossible task for me.
Charles had to make me stay; he carried me and went to drop me on his bed since I could not even walk.
In that state, we made out on his bed. Kissed but no clothes were removed. I pushed him away, fell into that drunken sleep and slept for so many hours.
Later, I woke up to see him working on his laptop as if nothing happened. I was expecting my periods even on the day I went to his house but it didn’t come that day.
Two weeks later, my periods still didn’t come. I started googling on pregnancy signs and what have you. At first, I laughed cause I was sure I didn’t have sex. Then with each passing day, fear set in. It suddenly seemed like all Facebook posts were about being a single mom.
After two weeks of no period, I panicked because I was not even dating this guy. I started consoling myself that he’s very handsome so at least my child will not be woh woh (ugly). I was no more sure of what I witnessed in his apartment. My mind tormented me. I heard voices in my head. I started asking Google “can just kiss and romance get a fully clothed girl pregnant?”
Google scared me. I began to shake. I considered all I didn’t think of before: Tribal differences. Child out of wedlock How I’m just a law student. My father will die of shame. My neighbors will laugh and probably nickname my child ‘Degree’ for that’s the Degree I brought back from school.
But No, I tell myself. I can’t abort my own child. All these with no pregnancy test done. What if he touched me when I was sleeping? But Charles is not like that. I will kill him if he’s gotten me pregnant! How will his future wife treat my daughter later (I was already sure it was a girl and Mirabella was the name I picked in my subconscious).
What if this young man did not actually touch me in my sleep? How do I convince him that I got pregnant? At times my mind will just laugh and tell me not to be stupid, that pregnancy can never happen like that.
Then after, the panic attacks would come again. God please send me my period. Remember the promises you made. God I know Satan is trying to kill me by making me pregnant. Please don’t let Satan win this battle. That little voice asked me “was it Satan that pushed you to that house Or Satan poured the drink in your mouth?”
I thought of suicide, I weighed the options of rat poison and drowning. At least, they’ll have no choice than to pity me if I die. Pregnancy test have I done? No. I can’t imagine going to a doctor. Why should I go to a doctor when Charles is there living comfortably? I didn’t even want to know the result. I crossed my fingers until they ached. God please I’ll never go to anyone’s house again. Forgive me, you know I’m just 20. For the sake of my parents who deserve better, please forgive and let this pass by me.
I started speaking to myself and nobody understood what was going on. I panicked and texted a friend who is a final year medical student. I begged him to come and see me. He asked why and I started crying. He asked if it’s money so he could just transfer then come see me later. I screamed no, that money was not my problem.
The guy had to shut down all his plans to travel down from another state to see me the next day. This is a guy who has been asking me out on dates and I’ve been rejecting him. That same day, I’d look at my breasts in the mirror and say “Jesus, were my breasts this size before?”
Google responses kept drumming in my mind. Many times I picked up the phone to call my sister but lacked courage. If I was like this only at 2 weeks, I wondered how I would survive 9 months of pregnancy.
Thoughts of ante-natal made me shudder. Suddenly I realized I was just a child. That night I knelt down and dusted my Bible. I said God please don’t do this. Please send my period. That same night, I stayed awake planning that I had to buy test strip the next day before my friend enters into town. Then he’ll probably examine me.
When I’m eating, a voice would say to me “see how you’re eating like a pregnant woman”. I had to play loud gospel music like “we’re waging war” to shut out the voices in my head. I started waging war even in my dreams.
The next morning, I tried to collect my first urine of the day into a container for a test later. only for me to mistakenly kick the container down. Come and see me running after my own pee and even attempted trying to urinate again almost immediately and force the urine out. While sitting there on my urine container, I swore that if I was pregnant, I’d go to Charles and hold his shirt. I would scream “what did you do when I fell asleep?”
His neighbors must gather. I deleted all Charles’ numbers from my phone. Devil from the village is a liar. I swore never to visit a man again. After sitting for minutes thinking, I decided to wipe myself since no pee came again and I saw blood stains.
Imagine the joy. That joy that is beyond human understanding. Someone needed to see how I welcomed my cramps with joy. Imagine my happiness.
The next morning, my calendar reminder rang and I realised that my period was never late. I had just forgotten that my cycle changed two months back.
My medical student friend finally came into town and asked me what happened. At that point, I’d had enough. I hugged him and laughed like a mad woman.
All the events in this book are real but most are not about the author. I just collected deep memories from many other Nigerian females, very young and very old I’ve met. This is a voice, saying real things that happened to real people. Things they’d not just tell anyone for fear of being shamed. A must read for everyone especially females.
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“Interesting Excerpts From the Book “Diary of a Nigerian Girl” by Toiyoabasi Ekong”

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