7 Listening Tips to Nurture Your Marriage

One of the keys to nurturing a sustainable marriage is learning to listen to one another. Fortunately, listening is a skill set that anyone can learn. Here are seven vital listening skills that will help you build a sustainable marriage:

1. If you and your spouse are having a conversation, it’s important that you attend.

This is more than just showing up or being in the same room. Turn off or set aside the electronic devices, turn toward your partner, make eye contact, and fully engage in the conversation. Good communication requires giving your wife or husband your full attention.

2. Good listening starts with a commitment to understand the other person’s point of view.

Listen for your partner’s perspectives and opinions. Pay attention not only to what is said but to how your spouse feels. Resist the urge to formulate your opinions or response while the other person is speaking. Focus first on understanding. There will be time to share your point of view later and your partner will be more ready to hear it when he or she knows you’ve taken time to understand his or her perspective.

3. When your spouse shares thoughts or feelings, value the trust he or she is placing in you and encourage her or him to share more.

Don’t be in a hurry to get to your “side.” Sharing significant thoughts and feelings can seem risky and sometimes your husband or wife will need “permission” to continue sharing. Be sure to extend that permission both verbally and nonverbally by the way you respond. Ask good questions to encourage more sharing.

4.  Learn to empathize with your partner and see things from his or her perspective.

This is difficult when you already have your own strong feelings or opinions but for good communication and a sustainable marriage, it is worth the time and effort necessary to think and feel your way into the other person’s point of view. Step out of your own narrow perspective and imagine what life looks like to your partner.

5. Reflect back in your own words what you hear your spouse saying.

Not only does this show your partner that you are truly engaged in the conversation, it also gives him or her the opportunity to correct any misperceptions or miscommunication.

6. Listen, understand, and accept how your partner is thinking and feeling right now.

While you may not agree with everything that is said, resist the urge to try to change your partner’s thinking right away. Don’t criticize or judge, avoid becoming defensive, wait to persuade, there will be time for discussion later. When you’re listening, focus on meeting and accepting your spouse where he or she is right now.

7. Take time to thank your partner for talking.

When your wife or husband takes the risk to share thoughts or feelings, be sure to express how much you appreciate that you were trusted with that information. Even if you don’t agree with everything that was expressed, thank your spouse for letting you in on his or her perspective. Talking openly and honestly gives you both the opportunity to strengthen your relationship. You can be thankful for that.

Chances are you’ve learned many of these skills and are already using them in your workplace or in other relationships. Having a sustainable marriage means being committed to listening just as well at home as you do elsewhere and the rewards are even greater.

Source: kevinscottwrites