It’s been the subject matter of many nollywood movies and gossip committees, the cause of many sad souls and marriages. But this isn’t the way it ought to be. Even though there are no sounds of crying babies or little feet running around a home, rather than rip a home apart, these seven tips will strengthen an infertile marriage.
1. Keep communication lines alive
Don’t bottle up your feelings which will be more negative than positive, talk about them. Even when your partner does something that makes you feel bad, don’t go accusing; instead, say, “I suddenly feel angry” or whatever you feel about his/her action. It may be very easy to give sharp/harsh criticisms; temper your observations with gentle, loving tones.
2. Show more love and concern
The point here is to be a doer even more that a sayer. Do things together, whether it’s the dishes, laundry or visiting friends, family or the fertility centre. And by the way, stand or speak up for your partner when family try to take shots at them with snide, insulting remarks. This will definitely add another inch to the brick walls of your marriage.
3. Respect each other’s concerns
Listen to your partner when they are giving their opinion on any issue. Pause before you reply and let them feel you’re considering what they have said. Don’t just ride over their concerns or try to force them into a decision with emotional blackmail. Let it rest. Who knows, time may change the mind of the stubborn ones.
4. Take a break from the chase
Don’t make your life one marathon of trying to get pregnant, going to the IVF Center once it’s that time of the month. Take a chill pill. Relax and smell the roses. Go a step further and let the house chores feel your absence or pay someone to do it. Go see a movie instead of watching Telemundo. Have fun as you recharge for the next session of trying to get a child.
5. Join a support group
If no such group exists, form one. Do it alone if your partner is not feeling up to it. It will keep him from feeling drained while giving you a variety of perceptions. You might even be able to provide support and motivation for others going through the same ordeal. Ideas can be shared and negative energy can be expelled.
6. Get more physical
Go for walks and hold hands while you’re at it. Hug and kiss each other often. And if those kisses whip up some erotic feelings, go with the flow. Who knows, it may just be the day that “something” happens.
7. Break out of stigma, stereotypes and superstitions
Don’t bog your mind down with what other people may be thinking about your situation. Don’t be worried that you’re not taking the shape of society’s stereotype of what and how a family should be and become: a father, mother and 3 or four kids. Walk and build your home at your pace. As long as you and your partner are on the same page, forget what they think, say or what you think they are saying.
Generally, stay positive and keep an open and a positive mindset as this determines how everything pans out in the long run. Good luck with your search for a solution.