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Dear MIMsters: My Husband’s Huge Weakness Can Cripple Our Family But He Doesn’t Care

Dear MIMsters: My Husband’s Huge Weakness Can Cripple Our Family But He Doesn’t Care

How do I handle a husband who has a huge weakness that can cripple our family but doesn’t care?

My husband earns a little below a hundred thousand Naira but due to the nature of his job, he gets some extra cash on most days he goes to work. So, in a month he may end up having made up to three times his salary. Also, on very rare and lucky days, he may earn as much as his salary or even far above that in a day!

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My worry is that apart from the monthly contribution he partakes in at his office which amounts to N500,000 yearly, (this I know is deducted from his salary), he has no other savings! His account can run as low as N30,000 to N15,000! He imports some items which he sells mostly on credit to his colleagues and friends, who all in-turn pay up little by little with some not even able to pay up! Aside from that, he is very free handed to families and friends plus he is the sole breadwinner of his family.

I’m someone who totally believes in saving, no matter how little I earn. After our wedding last year, which ran down his account to close to nothing, with house rent almost due and one or two other bills to pay, my hubby suggested we borrow from his office to be deducted from his salary.

Since I hate borrowing, I countered it and rather surprised him with N580,000, a personal savings I made from the little job I was doing before and during my NYSC. He was so happy and we opened a joint account with the money, joined with the little money that we realised from the money gifts from our wedding and the remaining money in his account. With these, we were able to pay our house rent and set up a little business for me.

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Due to his spending habit, no matter how much my husband earns, he is never able to account for it. For example, late last year, he made a major breakthrough where he earned close to N900,000 from just one day’s assignment. We used about half of the money to get us a secondhand car and the rest, I can’t tell you what my husband did with it.

My husband just keeps dashing people, spending on irrelevant items and importing goods that he ends up selling on credit until his account is down to zero!

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On my part, Since I opened my shop, I’ve tried saving up little by little but I have decided not to declare my  savings again except in serious crisis. I still handle minor expenses in the home, though. There are many important things we lack at home. For example, in less than four months, we will be having our first baby by the grace of God. Not only that, our house rent will also due by then, yet I haven’t seen any conscious effort made by my husband to save up something for these forthcoming expenses.

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Like I said earlier, the only saving he has is the monthly contribution at the office which is automatically deducted from his salary! Please tell me, how do I manage this weakness of his? Initially, I kept talking until I noticed it was causing conflict, so now, in order to avoid quarrels, I have been quiet.


View Comments (38)
  • U better talk sense into his head now oh. Tell him the importance of savings and don’t bring out whatever u save unless u guys are in a really tight fix.

  • Pls keep up talking to him but don’t nag use examples to teach him how to save do that if he sees the result he wl b d one to b saving.then if u know he has a friend that is prudent in spending& saves then ask him to help him talk to ur hubby. See how u can collect money from him to boost your biz while you save on his behalf too & lastly stop giving him money when he is choked up.if he sees himself choked up without having a means to help himself he wl learn how to save.dont forget the power of to God to touch his heart& change him . good luck

  • advice him to go buy a land and start building ur own house. at least if he can’t save, he should have a tangible project he will be spending on. people earning far far less than ur hubby are building houses. that’s my advice.

  • Just keep saving and tell him to stop selling on credit. When he’s in a fix that is not serious, say u don’t have money and he will den go to borrow from Ppl he’s dashing and he will find out that nobody will give him nd then he will learn. I would think he would start saying especially since he’s now married and with a baby on the way. Put him in prayers too.

  • No need to talk again. Some men re very selfish. So re free giver. Pls if he is not selfish to u try n always collect from him n save it up for ur family. A wife can save for d family. Now dat baby is comin anytime u knw he has moni collect from him n save part. Save from feeding money. All d best.

  • kip prayin fr him n learn to pn ur own collect mony frm him n save…find away of gettn mony frm him…

  • My husband is also like that, free handed and all what I do is I make excessive demands when I know he has and he gives, use what I want and keep the rest and it helps us. I’ve talked and talked, pleaded, advised, but now that baby is here and responsiblity has increased I think he has learnt but I need to see greater change. An appeal to MIM, please can you post an article on how to encourage a man to save? In addition to reading comments it’ll be nice to read an article on that from you. Thanks

  • Pls kip talkin to him,u cn also use ur unborn baby to extract money frm him nd save,lik wen dy baby is born suggest he open an acct for dy baby nd mk him pay a certin amt into dy acct evry mnth,gudluck

  • Am almost like u so I will advice u to kip talking nd praying but don’t nag cos d more u nag d more d moni is taken outside.make urslf be his favourite thing.I no what u re going thru dear.

  • Whenever he has money,keep demanding n saving. Make a list of ur baby’s things n collect d money from him n buy them. Also don’t contribute in d rent payment. Look 4 land n come n tell him 2 bring money so dat u can buy n build n stop being tenants(whenever he makes bulk money).Stop giving him d impression dat you have savings,so dat he will spend more inside d family than on outsiders.I wish u God’s grace!

  • If he can’t save,you do the saving for him. Whenever bulk money comes in from his end,ask him to give you some for home saving. I believe he will allow that. So you get to keep money for the rainy days.

  • I guess he gives u money, start saving and buy something tangible in the home, then call his attention to see what you have achieved with the little he has been giving you. From there talk to him to start doing same, no nagging please.

  • Keep demanding heavily frm him nw d baby is almost here and save up, If there’s any oda avenue to demand more, pls do bcs his type hardly change, it is only when d condition is very bad & critical dat he will realise himself and by then it’ ll be late. And pls dnt forget to back it up with prayer.

  • My dear,some people are like that and it’s only the grace of God that can change them.So i’ll advise you to always pray about it so that something will make him change.Also if there’s a way you can save for him,please do

  • Alongside all other comments, find a way to atleast get him to open accounts in ur children’s names n encourage him to keep dropping cash in der, atleast for their academics as they grow, get him to b consistent with it while u keep talking to him about d family/his acct (depending on how u two run urs). Keep prayg for a change too.

  • With dat kind of earnings u shouldnt be talking abt house rent.l would suggest u take it upon urself to spend n save d money wisely.For instance,draw up a list of things needed in d house,meet an estate agent n make enquiries abt how 2 pay 4 a house installmentally,etc.Whenever he is in a happy mood,pray 2 God 2 make u find favour in ur hubby’s sight(remember d story of Esther in d Bible),go 2 hubby n humbly present ur request 2 him.Dnt ever nag or complain abt d way he spends money,jst give him list so he will have it at d back of his mind dat there are things 2 be done.Most importantly,there is nothing prayer cannot do.Go on ur knees n talk 2 ur 1st love(God),tell him wat u want with a sincere heart.Dnt ever discuss ur hubby with any 3rd party aside God.

  • Men are generally like that but I advice never to bring out your savings again. I don’t do it & I don’t advice any woman to. He married you, he should provide roof under your head. Talk to him, suggest that he allows you to take charge of his account. But anyway, hope he has given u money for baby’s shopping? That’s where the real spending is; during the shopping, wen he buys complete sets of baby cot, wardrobe, designer pusher & clothes, lol he wl start saving by force. Honestly 1million will not be enough for a baby nursery except u are going for less. Relax & don’t worry too much, just allow him pay the major bills, when his baby comes, he wl learn to be responsible.

  • I must commend u 1st of all.You are a good woman.But one thing I’ll advice u is never to give him ur money although dat doesn’t mean u shldnt support in de house bt pls kip ur savings to urself.Back to ur complain, u’ll nid wisdom n God’s intervention bc I believe dat has bn his life style b4 he married u so trying to make him stop all of a sudden will take time.Jst be patient wit him n always luk for a time we he is in a fix wit no cash den u cn now hv de opportunity to talk sum sense into his head.Little by little like dat I believe u’ll conqer.All de best

  • dis is what i do when i make list for shoppin add xtral money though things is not as good as it use to be but i stil add a little which at the end of the day i put it in my local save when the money is big i take it to the bank and deposit it in my acount but for u who have good income u can add much then sometimes when he travel i wil tel him that i am sick when he send the money i reguest for i wil take it my acount, just do dis and u wil see good result.sometime just tel him u want to buy dis or that when he gives u the money save it a day came my huby needed money badly and urgently so he asked me if i could get some one to borrow him money so i brought out my local save and break it al the money was more than 5k he was so surprise i just smile and asked him if that wil be enough he said no so i gave him my atm to get the amout he wanted,when he got back he asked how i got al those money though he know i do caterin but is not flowin as it use to be so i told how ask for money for things i dont need sometimes i lie with my health,he laugh hug me and said wise woman what wil i do without u?since then if i ask for 100 he wil give me 1k cos he know i wil end up savin it or when i make list for shopping he wil add more money even though i have added mine so my dear if u put dis advise to use it wil help u and also change his mentality towards saving someday.bles you

    • mim what do you mean my coment is awaiting moderatoin,pls xplain as i dont understand.thanks

  • Save the ones you can and increase your allowance, you can also save the balance.

  • Make yourself his savings account, when such money comes,collect it and let him be requesting the amount he needs from you…….Recommend such method to him with plead and prove yourself worthy of saving those money,with time he will see a reason to save more.

  • On a good day like that – when he is in a very good mood and has such income raise a topic of opening ‘An Investment Account’. This can be solely or jointly i.e. involving him alone or you two. Agree on the amount each of you will be depositing periodically into the Account and then convince him to start with the one he has at hand. Then take a sole responsibility of making the deposits or ensuring it is done especially whenever he earns such money and keep the record of every payment you make for his perusal.

    Then always bring up the investment plans you feel the family needs in order of their priorities – Car, Land, Building, Children’s Fund, Insurance etc. for discussion whenever he’s in a good spirit. Tell him the benefit the family will stand to derive in owning such investments as you report your efforts on the Investment Savings (i.e. when you must have succeeded in the Account Opening). This will encourage him to save more.

    I was opportune to work in a Finance House where Good Cars, Landed Properties and Buildings were being used as collateral for financing business proposals and I was always intimating my husband on the need for owning such investments should we have need for financial assistance in future (even though the money was not there then but he was interested).
    And as God may have it, he bought an empty plot of land and the following year our Landlord double increased his rent and my husband decided that it is better to live in a batcher in his own land than trade for his follow man.
    Like joke o, he started laying bricks and today my dear I am staying in my own house – home and town.

    So talk to your husband, let him know that you are fighting for your common interest and it will even be better to invest now that the children are on the way so that you will be better off before they are grown and their demands start affecting the incomes of the family. – Good luck!

  • My hobby is father christmas jst like urs,what i did was to open an account with our kids name where both of us contribute 10k each month

  • It’s not your responsibility to pay or contribute to house rent. Even if the landlord will send you packing don’t bring out a penny. It’s man’s responsibility to provide a home for his family.
    Also make sure he buys everything you need for your baby and ask the hospital how much they charge for delivery. Tell him and let him give you to keep.
    Don’t ever assist him when he needs money, this will make him learn how to safe. You can also encourage him to increase his savings at work or let him join another savings scheme.
    At the same time be collecting money from him and be saving for your children.

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