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Dear MIMsters: Will I Ever Be Fine? Will I Ever Heal? I’m A Complete Wreck Because Of This Relationship

Dear MIMsters: Will I Ever Be Fine? Will I Ever Heal? I’m A Complete Wreck Because Of This Relationship

So, I’ve been this rigid girl with the “no sex before marriage” rule for 9 years just, serving God.”
In 2019, January, I met a guy whom I liked very much. He approached me after about 9 months of just in and out of church saying hi to each other.
He told me he wanted me. So we started chatting and I made it clear that there would be NO SEX. Well, the guy said he’s gonna support my decision because he understood my position in the church.
So after about 2 months of chatting, I asked him to define our relationship. Well, he made it clear that he is not ready to marry but he will be ready in 2021. 2021 came and went. I kept asking and he kept telling me that I’m impatient.
In early 2021, we started having sex. He had been trying this since 2019 but I kept closing my legs. He then told me to give him a baby so that we can settle faster. I told him I can’t because he is struggling to even feed himself.
Sex started becoming frequent and the guy really held onto it. I could block him for months and he would use my church friends to get back to me.
He pleaded for second and last chances saying that he is not ready to lose me and that he wants to do the right thing. Once we got back together, he relaxes and he continues asking for sex.
So during the holidays in December of last year, I sacrificed my money (136k Naira) and we went out of town for a 3 days holiday.
When we returned, he asked me for money. This was not the first time he was asking me for money. Did I mention that I don’t know what this guy does for a living? I have tried digging deeper but I doubt what he tells me and he is very secretive with his phone.
To cut the story short, as I write this, I’ve blocked this guy for over 2 weeks now. I have blocked him on all channels that he can’t reach me. Now, what he does is to get a new line and call me. Once I realize it’s him, I block him again. Even yesterday he called but I blocked the new line. I’m determined to let go of him completely.
I’ve started my healing journey but I really hate myself. I hate myself for breaking a covenant with God for not keeping myself pure after 9 years. I’d pray, fast, and wait. I hate myself for wasting 3 good years with a man who has been telling me that he will marry me and that he doesn’t think he can get into another relationship because I’m enough for him.
I’m hurting for spending money (out of love) on a man who probably just wanted to pass time with me.
I’m hurting because this guy has really reduced my self-esteem because he tells me that I can never marry another man except him.
I’m hurting because he told me I’m not truthful since I refused to show him my house. (I own a house but I lied to him that I live in rentals) I just did not want him to love me for what I have. I was looking for true love that isn’t money-minded.
He told me since I refused to give him money after we returned from the holiday, that I’m stingy and I don’t have a good heart. He said other women do these things for their men.
I’m hurting for the bitter words he’s been telling me. He told me I have 40% bad character. I asked him to tell me what I’d done and he told me I’m a good girl. That he spoke all these things out of vexation. But the truth is that every negative word he’s told me is affecting my self-esteem.
Last week I had anxiety attacks. I’m stressed because he used to give me very good sex but I hate the fact that I defiled my body. I hate to feel that he will replace me soon with another woman and give her the good sex he’s been giving me. I hate to see him go, but I know the relationship isn’t healthy for me.
I’m hurting. I need to heal. I’ve lost too much weight. I need to move on.
I have a very nice job but my current situation is affecting my all-around life. I’m bitter with my colleagues, I NO LONGER SERVE IN CHURCH. My pastor is asking me what is wrong and I tell him I’m well.
I don’t talk to people. I keep everything to myself. I check my phone every minute to see if he called. But I still block because I know I need to move on.
Will I ever be fine? Will I heal?
I’m 39. 3 years wasted in a lifeless relationship. He is 48, a single dad of one girl. He said his main reason for not settling down is because he is struggling to feed himself and hoping that he will get better and marry me.
Am I mad to even be in love with such a man? What did I do wrong to deserve this fake love when I gave it my all? Maybe he is serious with me but he lacks the finances? But why does he accuse me and shout at me when I fail to give him a child and money?
I’m sorry for this long write-up!
View Comment (1)
  • Yes madam. You are mad. That guy is a user. He is only with you for financial gains.
    I say this because I currently know someone in the sane situationship(they ate even married). The husband acts like the lady marries him, when the lady drops money the house is sweet, the moment she doesn’t, problem starts.

    Dear sir, Christ has forgiven you, take your forgiveness, healing and move on in Christ. The Father is still so proud of you as a bona-fide daughter of the Kingdom.
    That guy is a disaster waiting to happen.

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